More Than A Woman Blog

When I think back to the beginning of my motherhood journey, I don’t think I truly understood how much my life was about to change.

I became a mum at 19.

Looking back now, I realise I was still figuring out who I was as a person, and then suddenly I was stepping into one of the biggest roles I would ever have becoming a mother.

Finding out I was pregnant came with so many emotions all at once. It wasn’t just one feeling. It was excitement, fear, confusion and so many thoughts running through my mind that I didn’t even know what to process first.

The biggest thought was… I’m actually going to be growing a whole human inside me. (Which when you really sit and think about it, is honestly crazy 😂.)

A whole little person was growing inside me, and I was going to become someone’s mum.

But alongside the excitement came the reality of what that meant. The responsibility. The unknown. The questions.

Was I ready?

Would I be a good mum?

How was my life going to change?

My first pregnancy was not the smoothest journey, especially as a first-time mum. There were complications along the way that, at the time I didn’t fully understand. I was young experiencing pregnancy for the first time, and I trusted the professionals around me to guide me and provide the care they felt was best suited for me and my baby girl.

The truth is, my pregnancy was not the average pregnancy I imagined it would be.

Nowadays, pregnancy is often portrayed on social media as this beautiful, glowing experience where everything looks perfect. And yes, there are moments where you enjoy it. Moments where you laugh, get excited and feel amazed that your body is creating life. I definitely had those moments too.

But there is also a side of pregnancy that people don’t always see.

For me, I suffered from really bad morning sickness. It wasn’t just feeling a little nauseous, it got to the point where I couldn’t keep food or even fluids down, and I ended up in hospital during the first three months.

Honestly, it was not something I would ever want to relive.

It was another reminder that pregnancy was not always going to be what I had imagined. There were so many changes happening so quickly, and I wasn’t prepared for how much it would affect me physically, emotionally and mentally.

Your body changes in ways you don’t always expect. Not just physically, but internally too. Suddenly, you’re having to adjust to a new version of yourself while still trying to recognise the person you were before.

Foods you once loved can suddenly become impossible.

For me, it was cheese, cornflakes and cheese and onion crisps. Things I used to enjoy, but during pregnancy if I was anywhere near them my senses would suddenly become heightened. My nose would pick up every smell, and I could instantly tell they were there. It sounds funny looking back, but at the time it was just another thing my body was going through.

There was so much happening all at once emotionally, physically, and mentally. Once again it was something I wasn’t prepared for.

But through all of it, my baby girl was my reason to keep going.

Every difficult moment, every worry, every challenge, I kept thinking about the fact that soon I would have a little girl calling me mummy.

That feeling is something I will never forget.

Knowing that I was about to meet this little person who was already so loved before I had even seen her face gave me the strength to continue.

I think that’s a feeling only a mother can truly understand. Carrying your baby inside you, loving them before you’ve even met them, but also feeling helpless because you can’t physically protect them yet.

You feel every worry. Every fear. Every “what if?”

All you want is for your baby to be safe.

Through all the highs and lows of my pregnancy, my biggest success was simply making it to the end. My goal was to keep going, to have faith and to believe that I would meet my baby girl safely.

That was the beginning of my motherhood journey.

Not just the beginning of becoming a mum, but the beginning of becoming the woman I am today.

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